I have a constant or possibly recurring fear that I do not know how to make friends. I don't need a lot of people around to be happy, and in fact I prefer to be alone most of the time. But those times when I do want someone else to hang around, I realize just how isolated I've become and my own impotence smarts.

This feels almost illegitimate to say because for the first time in my life I'm living with somebody I love... but I don't buy these stories of lover-as-best-friend, because a best friend is someone I go out and have fun with, not someone I cry to at 2 in the morning about not having any friends.

I don't know if that implies a certain amount of deception in friendship... omission, certainly. I would like the opportunity to play a different role.

Hurricane winds but no rain. That came today.