19.8.12

Since I certainly can't say what I'm working towards, maybe I could say what I'm trying to work away from. I'm trying to work away from fear by turning towards it and through it. I resolved a few days ago to do one brave thing every day, which could include a lot of things that most people don't, I think, need courage to undertake.

My first year at college I decided to be naked more often, because I disapproved of my embarrassment about my body, and the easiest way out seemed to be full-on immersion therapy. I started modeling for art classes, dressing as skimpily as possible at parties, and intentionally exuding okay-ness with my physical self. Never with anything else have I been able to undertake a 180ยบ change of emotion and get the result I wanted, which makes me think that I don't understand my motivations as well as I pretend. What was I really afraid of?

I'm not sure I believe that fears go away.



My 2 am company, two nights ago:


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