4.1.13

This town and university are truly beautiful places, even when they are so full of spots that drag me back to moments when I was so afraid and ashamed that I thought I might die, and that I wanted to.

It becomes easier to circumvent all unpleasant locations, drawing the circle wider and wider until it bends back around to trap me inside, there being nowhere safe left to go.

I had a whole post planned that circled around some kind of tragic-beautiful theme, but then last night I had a really great dream about the good kind of love and I don't feel the need anymore (because I can make myself happy in my head so well that it doesn't even need to be real?) Even in the dream on some level I was telling the story from the future, which takes real-life me several steps further from that experience. I guess what I'm saying is that I should've finished my post yesterday when I cared about it.



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