A conversation I last night about stars and hiking made me want to get out of town. This afternoon I committed my day off to visiting my grandmother, and it made me happy to do, but still--I am looking forward to some time in the future when I can just go somewhere, taking a limited number of objects, and do something as focused and open-ended as walking, just walking. That was the best part of my spring break trip to False Cape last year - being alone, having so much time to use, I could just leave the tent and walk wherever I wanted at whatever pace I wanted, and stop and go and eat and sleep whenever the feeling struck. Going on a specific hike is not the same as staying in a new place and exploring it little by little, so I guess hiking isn't really what I'm thinking of. I'm still idealizing that trip to such an extent that it's hard to remember that those are memories of reality, that there exists such an experience as being alone in a state park for days. In my mind it stands for the potential fulfillment of my desires to be alone. That fulfillment can happen, I just have to decide if it's okay to want it. I come down on both sides of that fence.

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