20.5.14

I am a morning person. Indisputably, but not without qualifications. For instance, I love to dress up (and to dress up as) and most opportunities for dressing happen at night. This could be followed by a list of all the other categories of things that happen at night. The association of nighttime, rebelliousness, and other-ness bothers me because it pokes at my vanity over not being square or straightedge or standard or boring. What happens in the early morning? Things for introverts, I guess.

My desire to do everything right extends to rule-breaking, of course, and makes me feel uncomfortably formulaic in my rebellions. Wouldn't it be better to rebel against the things you know to be wrong, invisibly, than to slap on some external symbols of rebellion shared by millions of other people, without really thinking? I think so. But when it boils down to wanting to be a rebel among rebels, nonconformism seems more like vanity than ever. There have to be other, more central values to espouse that would take me entirely outside the same/not-the-same paradigm.


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Writing about myself all the time gets really unappealing, sometimes, but when I don't I feel like I'm probably not paying enough attention.




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I want to start getting into printed things: magazines, paper, prints, books, etc., because I alternate hating and loving the internet and I need things to look at during the hate-times. Also I'm interested in making these things and that makes me feel I should be aware of what else is out there. That could be an ultimately destructive impulse, unless I can come at the rest of the world with a genuinely appreciative attitude. I might be able to.


2 comments:

  1. im a night person in an introverted sorta way. like especialy living at home i stay up late to have my alone time. ive always had like the opposite/same insecurity-type-feeling as you, that like morning people are more engaged with life, they get up to DO things with their day, while i just stay up late to waste time by myself and sleep thru the useful parts of the day

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  2. I do know what you mean, I've certainly spent a lot of nights that way too. I guess I just associate nighttime with parties and people having fun together and whatnot, and morning with like... everyone doing their own thing individually. I feel less insecure about being alone in the morning.

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