Online, like in real life, I feel for the most part invisible, chugging along here where everyone's backs are turned. Maybe if I did something different people would sit up and pay attention, but I can't or maybe just won't and it all feels very inevitable and doomed. But every once in a while somebody responds to all of what I've been piling into the abyss and it's gut-wrenching. I am attracted to and repulsed by other humans in an overwhelmingly physical sense.

I'm afraid my phobia will keep me from achieving any of the things I want to do in performance arts - things that exist in three dimensions, in shared space - but photography is always there for me, and just me, and it feels infinite.

Iceland, Nov. 2014

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