Things were different.
Are different again.
Today I'm considering auditioning for circus school. Why not, you know? I'm not excited or happy about the things that seem like sensible next steps for someone with a cognitive science degree and a job at a bakery. The only thing I really have to do is to keep existing in the world somehow. I'm not happy with the opportunities (and the way I relate to them - it's not them, it's me!) here, and there's no requirement that I limit myself to this town.
It's not "what do I want?" but "why am I not doing what I want?"