When you can't open doors and windows you live in a frighteningly soundless box.

I want summer and I want to be listening to Dire Straits and evening and not caring about anything that matters (=doesn't matter). I want to cry. I want my body to be a little wrecked, a little vulnerable to what's next. I want the taste of grapefruit on my tongue.

I want to be an open door to it all.

Why is this allowed in warm weather but not in cold? Water, the universal solvent, that solves/dissolves into solution/dissolution, also occupies itself otherwise in winter. Warm weather means the sea, even when you're elsewhere, even when you're miles away. It means the river and the cloudy rocks and the mud and the snakes in the mud. It means the wet smell of cold when everywhere else is hot. It means wearing your bathing suit all day no matter what. It means cold sunscreen and hot sunscreen-smelling sweat. I couldn't know all that it means.