11.4.16

I started today feeling happy and brave but I lost it and I'm scared and sad again.

Maybe I used to post more complex thoughts, but now it's just definitions of my emotional state. I'm going to try my best--how do I stop feeling scared and sad? Talk to someone. Make something. Take klonopin. Drink alcohol. Exercise. Go outside. It all feels so overwhelmingly difficult. My heartbeat says "hide in a hole!" and my brain says "hurt yourself!" and thinking about it any more broadly makes me doubt that I can succeed in any part of my life. Work. Invoices. Taxes. Job applications. Artistic work. Exercise. Cooking. Bathing.  So goddamn difficult. At least I usually have a few good hours a day. The bright side is there.






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