At the beach again—difficult to tell how I spent the last 10 months. Drinking I guess.

I'd like to train myself, when I reach the point in the day when my mind becomes unbearable, to go to bed.  Cheaper and more effective than alcohol, and sets you up for a better morning, which determines the course of the whole next day.

There was a time when I could, but I slept away days on end. Evading consciousness is never sans downside. The answer, as I may recall I had already decided, is acceptance. Avoidance never gets you anywhere. If I can accept that I want to die, and I wanted to die the day before that and the day before that and all chances are I will tomorrow too, but that somewhere down the line there will be a day, even an hour (let's not set our sights too high) that I don't, I can keep on going. But after a long day of acceptance it certainly feels good to have a drink.

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