Am I different? Have I changed? In the last 24 hours I reorganized my wardrobe, cut myself, hid in bed instead of getting up, picked dozens of holes in my face-skin, let my phone die so I could stop communicating, listened to one album on infinite repeat, reread my blog back to 2013, declined to leave my room for 8 hours (and counting) just to avoid human contact, failed to cook or eat anything but banana chips and chocolate-covered espresso beans... none of which is surprising from past-me, but present-me, is she like this too? Does acting out depression mean you're depressed? Or am I taking a turn around this track for old times' sake alone?

All of my cameras are in some state of brokenness. I am in some state of brokenness. But this time it doesn't feel like such a problem.


I can fix it if I try.

Olympia, WA

Edit: Made it all the way back to 2011... and I have in fact changed. No longer constantly questioning my reality, much better able to care for my body and mind. Much better able to make the images I want to (although those from the last year or two feel somehow lacking). Progress.