My heart is trying to get through.

*

I feel drawn to spirituality. Rather than trying to whip existence into shape, why not see what it has to say? Maybe stop trying so damn hard, blaming so much, indulging perpetual psychic tantrum. Maybe it can be what it is. Maybe I have things to learn, not figure out.

*

I'm alarmed by my reflexive apathy, this resistance to feeling anything at all. I can see how it snuck up, a muscle overdeveloped after years protecting me from emotional overwhelm. But I can be stronger and more flexible. My consciousness has outgrown its need for a bodyguard. Resilience emanates from a deeper place, a wellspring of love with no need for guards or battlements.